And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh;
Apart from The Principle of LOVE and SUBMISSION which was discussed the previous edition, the principle of ACCEPTANCE is also very important in the business of marriage. By now we ought to know that marriage is a business as taught in this year’s Gathering of Eagles. The problem of many marriages today is because the husband is yet to accept the woman he married as his wife and vice versa even when that phrase was specified in the marriage vow….. “do you accept this woman as your wife? To have and to hold, in sickness, in poverty, in health, in plenty, for better for worse… “I do”.
Acceptance means allowing your unpleasant internal experiences to come and go without trying to control them. Doing so will make them seem less threatening and will reduce their impact on your life. Marriage is a mystery; so is Acceptance in Marriage. Though we tend to reject some certain unpleasant things in our life especially in relating with people BUT that of marriage is very unique.
Certain facts are easily accepted in life. The sun comes up every morning, the rain fall when we want it or not, babies cry when they’re hungry etc just the way God made things. But when it comes to our relationships with other people (especially our spouse) our willingness to accept things the way they are quickly disappears.
Now that you are married, whether out of patient or not; there is no going back so you must learn to accept your spouse the way they are.
Consider these common complaints:
• Why must I ask for a hug to get one?
• Why do I always have to beg my wife to do some washing?
• Why can’t my husband pack the plates after eating?
• Why can’t my wife cook with her money?
• Why does it feel like I always have to beg to go out for dinner?
• Why don’t I ever get a gift for my birthday? Etc.
If you’ve been married for even a short while, you’ll likely recognize that your spouse has certain traits that kind of irritate you. And maybe it’s reached a point of really annoying you. You’ve kindly asked, pleaded, demanded, and even threatened your spouse to change. And maybe you saw a change for a short time, before they reverted back to old habits. What do you do?
In Life generally, when an issue is so major that it needs to be addressed, you have 3 choices:
1. You can choose to remove yourself;
2. You can choose to remove the other party; and
3. You can choose to accept the current reality and learn to adapt.
However, the only option that can work in marriage is option NO 3.
The first two options are radical and best applied BEFORE marriage; during courtship. If you are in an abusive friendship or courtship, then removing yourself is the best option. If you continue to be stalked by an abusive fiancé, then reporting them to the authorities to be removed is important.
But in most marriages, the big issues often start as trivial and become huge because we allow them to by refusing to accept and adapt.
Please note that there is difference between ACCEPTANCE in marriage and ENDURANCE in marriage. Acceptance is TOLERATING IN LOVE AND JOY while ENDURANCE is TOLERATING IN PAIN AND BITTERNESS. This is what produces the saying that: Marriage is to be ENJOY not ENDURE.
Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages, and many other books described how his wife had the habit of leaving cupboard doors and drawers open after taking something out. And he’d bang into them, which made him furious. This became “the issue” for him in the early years of their marriage. So what did he do? He tried asking his wife to change – nicely, He tried asking firmly, He even tried threatening, and while some change occurred, it was always short-lived.
In the end, he came to the conclusion that if he wanted to make his marriage work, then closing doors and drawers was to become “HIS” responsibility. He even calculated how much time it would take for him to close all doors and drawers which is about an hour for a whole year. Dr. Chapman felt his marriage was worth an hour of his time. He had discovered the value of acceptance.
Your acceptance of your spouse helps you to easily sacrifice for the marriage. The truth is there are some certain things you can’t change in your spouse instead you use your strength to cover his/her weaknesses. That’s why you are one. Adam accepted Eve the way she is and he immediately honour and value her. Acceptance possesses Value.
The Value of Acceptance means Approval, Compelling recognition and Believable as True.
The secret to this powerful value is to embrace it within you. Acceptance cannot be earned. It is given.
• Approval: Do you accept that God already approved your spouse for you. No special conditions required.
• Compelling Recognition. Can you recognize your spouse’s God-given strengths, and overlook their weaknesses? Are you compelled to tell others about what your spouse is really good at? Do you accept that both strengths and weaknesses go together?
• Believable as True. Do you believe your spouse? Do you openly challenge your spouse opinion or belief about something?
When you embrace the value of acceptance then you build trust and confidence into your marriage. Yes, issues will arise. But now you can tackle them together as a team. When you accept your spouse, your spouse will accept you also and you have a perfect home. Remember your marriage relationship is exactly compared to as Christ to church relationship.
“Real happiness is marrying the person you love, but real joy comes from falling in love with the person you married.”
“Marriage is not about marrying the perfect person, but loving the imperfect person perfectly”
The Home Maker is born to make your home better now and always.
Cheers!
Your Family Coach.. It can still be better!!!
For further enquiries, counselling, teachings etc Please contact us by email on ay.ayoola@gmail.com or on Phone on Pastor Ayo Ayoola 08066101237
The HomeMakers hold her Special Monthly ALL NIGHT Meeting every THIRD FRIDAYS of the month at THE REDEEMED CHRISTIAN CHURCH OF GOD Lion of Judah Zonal HQ, 4, Eliasau Street, Mafoluku – Oshodi. God has promised to wipe away tears in our homes through this meeting. It’s a time to DISCUSS, TEACH, PRAY, PRAISE, KNOW …etc.
Coach………………………………….It can still be better!!!
For further enquiries, counselling, teachings etc Please contact us by email on ay.ayoola@gmail.com or on Phone on Pastor Ayo Ayoola 08066101237
The HomeMakers hold her Special Monthly ALL NIGHT Meeting every THIRD FRIDAYS of the month at THE REDEEMED CHRISTIAN CHURCH OF GOD Lion of Judah Zonal HQ, 4, Eliasau Street, Mafoluku – Oshodi. God has promised to wipe away tears in our homes through this meeting. It’s a time to DISCUSS, TEACH, PRAY, PRAISE, KNOW …etc.
